Watching the episode “Data’s Day” of Star Trek: The Next Generation, i came to a realization about my problems socializing with others. In this episode, Data documents his attempts at understanding human emotions in response to a researcher’s query.

Data has serious problems interpreting how people will react to behaviour… he cannot master irony. This led me to the realization that he would have the same sort of problem determining the confidentiality of a person’s conversation. As ultimate disclosure girl, i too have this problem. Maybe i am part android. LOL.

Another five pages of draft is due tomorrow. All i want to do is drink sangria and smoke cigarettes while chatting on a terrace. LOL.

I first fell in love with Banana Yoshimoto’s writing in CEGEP when we had to read Kitchen as an international component of a Literature class. Actually, thinking back, the entire literature program offered by the International Baccalaureate was just fabulous. We also read Cymbeline, King Lear, WWI poetry by Owen, Sassoon and Rosenberg, Kiss of the Spider Woman and The Wars. From this list are four of my favourite authors and one of my favourite Shakespeare plays as well as my favourite poem… And just this week i was thinking that the IB was a huge waste of time… I must rethink that.

Goodbye Tsugumi was exactly what i expected of Yoshimoto. I can’t really explain what that means though for her writing is … light, almost trite, yet profound and unexpected. Her characters approach the world from a perspective so radically different from my own i find it difficult to believe how caught up i get in their memories, feelings and relationships. The main character, Maria, returns to the seaside town where she grew up after a year living with in Tokyo and has to come to turns with her adulthood, her relationship with her frail yet passionate cousin Tsugumi and the nostalgia for things past. It’s just lovely… Tsugumi is a great character, unbelievable at times, but since the story isn’t told from her perspective it isn’t entirely a problem. I love how Yoshimoto always has at least one transgressional romantic relationship in her books… and this one was no exception.

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I know i have been neglecting the online world. I haven’t posted in over a week, am not checking my emails and just don’t feel like being caught up in my own head right now. I figure it will pass. Another chapter is due tomorrow… i am scared about being able to pull off what now looks like the impossible again. Eep. My time has pretty much been completely devoted to Latin and working lately… and if you need to contact me… try facebook.

Recently, in Kaftal’s Iconography of the Saints (i don’t remember which one), a picture of a family being roasted in a hollow bull got my attention.

St. Eustace and his family were roasted in a metal bull by Diocletian. His martyrdom is apparently a frequent object of stained glass in French cathedrals. Even more interesting…

Why is he a martyr and not his family? His conversion was brought about by a vision of a stag.

Does anyone else find the echoes of the Trojan horse sort of perplexing? The echoes to the golden calf in the Hebrew Bible? It is a very weird sort of punishment. I have heard the reasons that Peter was crucified upside down (because he didn not want to be confused with the crucifixion of Christ), but the reasons for roasting a man and his family alive in a brazen beast of burden sort of perplex me. When people try to rewrite some of these arch-tyrants are more “understandable” people, it’s atrocities like this that make me wonder as to the merit of such attempts.

As i am finishing up a stage in my life, the graduate student stage, i find myself asking “how the hell did i get here?” Now, i know how i got here, i’m just not sure that i want to be here. I love the people and the intellectual stimulation and i can’t imagine anything that would make me happier - but i feel dissatisfied. This is quickly becoming one of those “i miss him” posts.

i’ve been wondering lately what my life would be like if i had not moved to Toronto. I know i would not have met some great people and not re-established my friendship with Veronica that is one of my most prized possessions (and perhaps the one factor that makes me not say i outright regret moving to Toronto), but things would be very different if i had decided to take a year off last year instead of next year. I know this is a futile exercise, but one can’t help it.

So, the question is… if you could go back in time and change only one decision - what would it be? I don’t think i would change my decision to move to Toronto, but i am pretty sure the act i would undo might prevent me from moving here as an opportunity cost.

God i am whiny today. Anything to avoid dissertating. The deadline approaches. I need to get my act together. A paragraph is not a chapter.

I’ve been a poor blogger this past week. My apologies. Latin, dissertating and working has been a bit overwhelming. I have recently started re-watching Star Trek: The Next Generation and, this too, has become a time vortex.

Rather than recap episodes of great dinners with friends, dirty escapades and boring Latin complaining i will zoom forward to Sunday evening when i FINALLY sit down (well, lie on my bed to be exact) and start working on the chapter of my dissertation due this Thursday.

It has been a glorious week-end and i spent some of the afternoon sitting outside in the sun, working on my homework. When i came back in, i set-up ye old laptop to charge and STUPIDLY left the adaptor box under a pillow i had thrown on the bed. Zoom forward to 9pm when i realize, to my complete and utter horror, that somehow, i only have 50% power. My adaptor had died. It was so hot i thought my skin would burn.

Panic ensues. The only productive thing i have managed to write (because the first couple of sentences of anything is the hardest) is a working title: “Fiddling while Rome burns: Nero as Tyrant in mid-fourteenth century Florence” and an opening sentence i have re-written eight times. Wow.

Because i am brilliant, i threw the adaptor into my fridge and proceeded to panic. Sending myself all my files since my last online back-up, searching for the nearest Apple store… but disaster was averted. Within ten minutes the charger was functional again. Collective sigh of relief.

I need to be more productive, procrastinate less and sleep more. This close-call hits home. So i promptly blogged about it. An addict is an addict.

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“You’re the first person i’ve shared this with… but… because Old English poetry is alliterative there is a high chance, when looking up words in the dictionary for a given line, that they will all be on the same page.”

I feel special. Now another twenty-something people know this about Old English poetry. I am thrilled to be a hub of the information age.

This from the same person who told me last week that the Woody Allen line in Annie Hall about not signing up for a course that requires you reading Beowulf is true.

I met with my advisor this afternoon after some time well spent (but unfruitful) in the Rare Books Room. The first section of my dissertation is due in ONE WEEK. Gulp. Ok… no gulp… I’m sick and my throat hurts.

Cyber Friends

When I decide to play online poker, with almost no exception, I play at pokerstars.com. There are several good reasons for why it is my poker site of choice.

Firstly, it has a very pleasing layout. It is highly customizable, both allowing customers to chose from dozens of table views as well as allowing user made graphics. It also allows avatars, an option some other sites do not feature. Generally speaking, this is fluff to a real poker player, but it is nice to create an atmosphere that is constantly comfortable.

Then there are the poker reasons. Pokerstars offers a wide variety of games and limits, both in cash and tournament varieties. It has bonuses and free games that are very pleasing to both the beginner and the veteran. It suffers from some of the same problems of other sites, in that if you play at levels that aren’t very high, it’s more of a crapshoot than a show of skill, but that isn’t a knock against it, but rather online poker in general. It has an appropriate amount of beginners to feed the pots, and a fair number of sharks to keep you focused.

The most important draw of Pokerstars has nothing to do with any of the above. The main reason why I started with that site, and continue to play there, are my friends. Two of my closest poker buddies encouraged me to start my online poker experience with Pokerstars, and so I followed them, despite preferring FullTiltPoker.com. Since then, I’ve introduced my cousin to the site, and more friends have signed up as well. Anytime we wish, we can all go to the same table, and enjoy a game just as if it were in our own private room. We regularly sign up for the same tournaments and encourage each other on, or compete to see who finishes best. That we are all on the same site and can experience the game together is really the most important aspect for me.

Really, the experience with friends is the most important aspect of poker. Sure, there are those who play the game for the challenge and perhaps to make themselves money, but with the skill level my friends and I are at, the stories to experience and share with friends is the most important draw. Just like decades of poker players before the internet boom, we are in it mostly to share a friendly and exciting experience when we have a little down time. Even if one of us becomes a big time poker pro, we can and will continue to enjoy the friendly experience of poker, online or in person.

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This is the second feature about online poker written by Derek Tonin. Should you be interested in writing a guest-blogging feature yourself, please let me know!

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Penguin Books in the UK has embarked upon a foray into digital fiction. Unlike the highly unsatisfactory wikinovel project - We Tell Stories is not only highly entertaining but also pretty high quality. Six authors of repute have put together six stories that utilize digital media in a way that print cannot.

The sixth story, by Mohsin Hamid, is entitled The (Former) General and reads much like the Choose Your Own Adventure Tales of which i was so fond as a child.

The first installment was The 21 Steps by Charles Cumming, an innovative tale that maps out the settings of the story on Google Maps. Apparently, you need quite a good internet connection for this short story to be functional - i didn’t have any problems myself.

All of the tales, written by Toby Litt, Kevin Brooks, Nicci French, Matt Mason and the aforementioned, are inspired by Penguin Classics: 39 Steps by John Buchan, Fairy Tales by Hans Christian Andersen, Hard Times by Charles Dickens, The Haunted Dolls House by M R James, Therese Raquin by Emile Zola and The 1001 Nights.

I haven’t yet had a chance to sit and play with all the stories and all the features. Unfortunately, the only one of the inspiring classics i have any real exposure to is The 1001 Nights on which i wrote a paper very long ago about ideal feminine beauty.

Much thanks to Ilyusha for passing on this fascinating website to me earlier this month.

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I hadn’t actually been grocery shopping in over a month and a half. The occasional litre of milk, loaf of bread and fruit had been the extent of my perusing and, well, the usually VERY well-stocked pantry in my house was finally much worse for the wear. I should NOT be permitted to go grocery shopping after spending an entire morning leafing through the Joy of Cooking aimlessly.

The ostensible purpose of the trip was to purchase the necessities for a pork roast stuffed with pear and cranberry. This is the second time i have made this recipe and i cannot recommend it highly enough. Clearly destined to be a staple in my entertaining cooking for years to come, my only suggestion to someone trying it out is that if you are using a ceramic pot, 45 minutes is more than enough cooking time. And BE CAREFUL when you take off the lid - i burnt myself on the steam last night - after a 2L of ginger ale was dropped, open on the floor and a water glass was shattered directly in the sticky mess. We were a disaster.

To go with the pork roast, i decided on broccoli. Now, i love broccoli, but i know a lot of other people don’t, so i decided a sauce to hide the taste was essential (LOL). I was right as my guest was not particularly fond of broccoli. I based the sauce on a Joy of Cooking recipe with a few minor changes:

White Onion Cheese Sauce
In a large saucepan, combine 1 large onion chopped and 5 tbsps of chicken broth
Cover and cook over low heat, stirring often for 25 minutes. The onions should be tender, but not brown.

Meanwhile, in a medium saucepan over medium-low hat, melt 2 tbsps butter. Add tbsps flour whisking until well-blended and smooth. Remove from heat and slowly whisk in 1 cup of milk. Add a dash or two of worcestershire sauce. Return to the heat, whisking until smooth.

Add your white sauce to the onion mix. Strain through a fine sieve. Return to heat and add 4 tbsps heavy cream. Whisk. Add a generous handful of grated parmesan… Spoon over steamed veggies.

I didn’t have to make dessert. My guest wowed me with pots de chocolat a la creme… WOW. My new all-time favourite dessert. It will get its own post in the future when i have made it myself.

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It may not be Nero… but i learnt a lot about anti-heros yesterday when i attended a lecture my advisor was giving for the Spring Renaissance Program at U of T.

Yesterday i had picked up an extra three hour lunch shift at work. It went well, but i REALLY could have used the time to work on my dissertation which is advancing much too slowly for my tastes.

After work and in newly-soled boots (because i am good at multi-tasking i had them repaired while i was at the restaurant), a VERY short pleated skirt and black fishnets, i headed over to a lecture given by my advisor entitled “Massacre of the Innocents: The Meaning of a Tragedy.” It was really interesting how just two verses from one of the gospels has had such an effect on art history. The male children murdered on Herod’s orders in Bethlehem could not have totaled more than twenty, but the historical sources always claim that thousands were killed. They pose quite a theological problem, which both Augustine and Aquinas contributed to resolving so that they would end up in heaven (they can’t actually be martyrs because Christ has not died yet, but Augustine says that because they die FOR Christ they won’t be stuck in limbo while Aquinas says their shed blood can be equated with the eucharist).

The early and high medieval depictions focus on the martyrdom aspects of the tale. The mothers are usually mournful but unactive… in much the same way Christian families were depicted as being when one of their own was persecuted for the faith.

By the late Middle Ages, much more of a depiction of the sociopathic nature of Herod emerges and he, as anti-hero, gets directly linked to the social problems of the given society. For example, a Florentine play has the wet nurses bring the babies to the massacre and return with no compunction for what they have done. Wet nursing was a big philosophical issue in late medieval Florence.

As the early modern era begins, Herod recedes out of the depictions which now are mostly exercises in human anatomy and facial emotion. My advisor feels this has to do with the fact that the rising absolutist governments are using a rhetoric akin to Herod’s and, hence, cannot demonize him without demonizing themselves.

We then looked at some more modern and even a contemporary depiction. Apparently the anti-abortion movement has adopted the aethestic troupe - which is interesting considering that in the biblical story the mothers are more than a little upset by the massacre.

I have a back-pack full of books to read and another shift at work today. When will i get it all done? i need to stop learning interesting things and start learning dissertation-related things. Eep. However, i am very happy i went AND it was nice to be addressed directly by my advisor who was at pains to point out the links to my own project while lecturing - an odd sensation to say the least.