i am not getting anywhere studying for my italian midterm because i keep thinking about the two things i really want to blog, so i will blog one of them.

But first…i am thinking of writing something about the nature of humour. i have some ideas, but i was wondering if you (my 3 readers) have any thoughts on what makes a person funny? i want to turn this into a bit of a creative non-fiction piece. your thoughts will be appreciated.

So, last night Steve was at my house watching Ghostbusters (with me) and he got a call from his Dad to “come home right now.” His Dad had driven the car into a ditch and a hydro pole while driving home drunk from an amateur hockey game. He was supposed to pretend it was him and that he had left the scene of the accident because he had been so upset. Obviously, this didn’t work. Steve did not match the description the witness of the accident gave of the man who got out of the car and called someone for a lift, he did not look like he had any reason to have fled the accident and it just wasn’t very believable to the cop. the cop, however, was nice enough to tell steve that the lie he recounted would give him a criminal record for obstruction of justice. he told steve they would start the conversation over and that he understand why someone would try to save a parent from a drunk driving charge. we had to go back and get jean because if he didn’t present himself at the scene of the accident he would have lost his license anyways. while we were gone the cops changed shift. the new, lady cop, not that i think that that has anything to do with this, was very upset that jean was going to get away with his drunk driving because he fled the scene. steve was rather severely told off for implicating himself and she told him that, were it up to her, he would be charged because, unfortunately, what jean did works. they cannot prove that you were “driving” drunk because you return to the scene of the crime drunk. you could have been so upset when you got home that you drank. anyway, this was a horrible situation. i felt really bad for steve and jean was just an ass. questioning how steve delivered the bullshit story. you were driving DRUNK! He thought because he didn’t hit anything/one it would be okay. ha. steve was racing home so much, he didn’t know what had actually happened until he saw his dad face-to-face, that he blew his already damaged suspension. his dad was like “well, you shouldn’t have driven so fast.” i mean, come on, you call someone and tell them to RACE home. what do you expect. you are at least partially responsible for something they do in an attempt to save your ass. well, it was an interesting night. i stayed in the car for the whole thing. it was none of my business, right? i almost had to get out though because for a second it seemed that steve was going to continue with the bullshit story in an attempt to save his Dad, but i could hear the cop explain the consequences and i was going to have to get out of the car and start screaming that it wasn’t true, he had been with me, yada yada. it would have been quite a fight after. i am happy it was avoided. imagine getting a criminal record to protect your dad from the drunk-driving charge he has been asking for for the past 6 years. how many times has steve come and gotten him after he had to lock the keys in the truck because there was a roadblock up ahead? i swear…whose the parent and whose the child?

Lisa and i went to the movies yesterday after discovering an excellent new bookstore in Laval of all places. i bought two books, one french novel for me and a night before christmas for kim at the office. i couldn’t resist buying a book. who can? well, lisa did.

we went to see “Prime.” It was very nice. Sweet, fun to look at, and FUNNY. The end left me feeling like an emotional husk however. i do not think i will be buying it when it comes out of DVD, but i will probably rent it with me Mum for a girlie night.

I fell asleep on Lisa’s couch while watching an episode of the Pretender when Jarod is a Gigolo. It was a good episode. I never realized how stupid the Pretender really is as a show. It is incredibly predictable for a show that makes no sense.

We went out for breakfast. Lisa would not let me blog at her house because she said i would have to sign out of blogger and sign back in as myself and that she did not remember her password. This is almost as funny as her complaining about turning back the clocks. Gaining an hour is the best thing that could possibly happen! I needed an hour very badly. I borrowed two jazz albums and am currently listening to them. there was much reading done this morning. hopefully this trend of productiveness will continue.

There are still mosquitoes in my room. I kill about one a day. I do not know from whence they come, nor do i care, but they are just one of the many things that bother me during my day. It is particularly troublesome to attempt to fall asleep with a mosquito in your room as you are aware that it will (a) bite you during the night and (b) lay more eggs promptly to produce more mosquitoes. I do not have a pool of stagnant water nor any plants in my room. Suggestion?

Yesterday my car broke down. My mechanic has no idea what is wrong with it. I am more than a little upset about the concept of having bought a car and not being able to drive it because i cannot afford the repairs.

Yesterday Steve and I had a fight. It was particularly nasty. It ended in me crying for over an hour about the state of my life: financial and academic. No resolutions to my plight have been found, but at least i stopped crying. Then we had another fight as i was being dropped off about my going to theme weekend - a college outing. apparently i am supposed to listen to his insistent complaining that i am sleeping at the lodge “with other guys.” The other girls that are there are always left out of this complaint. I will not be engaging in a forty-person orgy anytime in the near future.

This morning i woke up much too early (7:30) and attempted to do some much needed homework before taking my grandmother shopping at Walmart. She was very grateful for the outing. I was tired. I got home at 2:15 and ended up falling asleep to my History of China lecture, so somehow i am half way through the weekend and have almost none of the homework i was going to get done this weekend while Steve is away. Notice that i am blogging instead of correcting the situation.

my parents are assholes. they aren’t really. but my Dad actually asked me why i was asking my Mum for $3 to get home from work tomorrow this evening. I know absolutely no one needs to read me on one of my double-standard rants, but i have had it up to HERE. Lisa, i am so going to try and move out with you next year. If a whole week goes by without me ending up in tears over this stupid scenario i will die of shock. Reasons why my Dad had no right to question my needing $3:

1. I didn’t ask him for three dollars. i asked my Mum

2. My brother is given $5 everyday he goes in to school to take the bus and metro. Apparently, this is not the same thing according to my Dad because it is for “school.” Let’s remember why my brother takes the bus and metro in to school everyday. Oh right, because he wasted my parents’ hard-earned money by failing last year and being kicked out of real school.

3. Nobody pays for my haircuts but me

4. Nobody bought me a $3000 computer. I put myself in debt for this baby.

5. My car is in the shop and costing me $70 to get fixed so i won’t have to ask my parents to drive me everywhere, unlike piece of shit - don’t worry Lisa, it will be fixed for Saturday.

The reasons continue, but i am sure you would be just more bored. I actually had a very nice day that included going out for a french martini with Bryan at Upstairs, a Jazz bar on Mackay i highly recommend. it was very nice. i had some good thoughts to share, but i am too upset right now to think them out. sorry.

Yesterday on the radio the CHOM broadcasters were discussing the likelihood of there being a female president after the next presidential election. They came to the conclusion that this was not very likely as you have to win the south to win the election. I am always puzzled by this remark. I seem to remember reading in a psych class in CEGEP that the overwhelming majority of American voters are women. Wouldn’t a woman, who take the trouble to vote, be more likely to vote for a competent woman? Or am i giving southern women more credit than is their due?

I skipped a day of possible posting yesterday. I know you were all very sad. I got a B+ on my Latin midterm that i had been convinced i would fail. My professor, My Mum, my Dad and Steve ALL laughed at me. My Arab history midterm went well too. It was a good day until my car started acting funny. The mechanic is supposed to give it a full-exam today. I hope it won’t cost too much.

The motivations for this blog entry are many-fold. Firstly, i am waiting for Steve to show up at my house despite that i am trying to study to lend him $20. Secondly, i am hoping that in the time it will take to write this Dan will email me a part of an essay question for what i am studying for and then my work will be infinitely smaller. My class is overwhelming unappreciative of my willingness to share classnotes and study guides and i am, for the first time ever in my long history of sharing my work, regretting it. Thirdly, in an MSN conversation with “L-Dog,” as he so styled-himself in his last email, i promised to confess to the world my undying devotion to him and his godly body. Having just read a similarly comic confession by Mozart in a letter to his day, i feel inspired to attempt a little creative writing…i probably should have written that after, right Lorne, so people might believe we are really going to get married?

I, Heather Tara Stein, a poor, humble and ungrateful student and blogger in cyberspace, beseech my readers (all 3 of you) to forgive me for concealing the true depth of feeling i have been surpressing for the past 4 years as regards Lorne Ferguson, current resident of Lennoxville born in Notre-Dame-de-Grace. Ever since the first time i witnessed his act of essential manliness by baring his legs in the extreme winter cold, i have been forced to hide my true feelings. Please forgive this act of falsehood and pretention towards yourselves who merit so much more than such a despicable act of meanness. Lorne has been the idol in my dreams, the reason i get up in the morning and my last thought at night. Were i able to tear myself away from adoring his ability to mesmerize crowds with fantabulous stories, grin with a chipped tooth and proudly strut around in a class filled with 14 girls and only himself, i would. But alas, i cannot. In peninence for this heinous crime, i propose to devote the next hour and a half of my life to studying for my arab history midterm though i would much rather be in bed. adieu, farewell and best wished.

Why is it that when one is tired one is also cold? Is it because as one attempts to cover up and maintain that little bit of warmth emanating from the body one is more likely to fall asleep? i hope that isn’t really the reason. i would hate to think that being cold is good for me.

They are forecasting snow for Thursday. i don’t like being cold, but i am looking forward to wearing my mittens that i bought in May in Florence. The novelty will wear off in about 2 minutes of shovelling our driveway, don’t worry.

I know i had something worthwhile to say this morning, but the round of studying, writing tests and aquafitnessing has taken it out of me. i have not even begun to prepare the long-answers for my arab history midterm and i cannot turn off the light until i finish that step. i swore at my poor mum this morning when she came to wake me up. i feel bad.

I need another cup of tea. and a speed. i also need a kick in the ass. onwards…

Apple picking is more fun when there are not very many left on the trees…

Steve and I went to La Magie des Pommes yesterday in St-Eustache and we were hunting for those few remaining apples. Some were very difficult to climb too. We did not use the ladders that had been provided for those who had little children with them. A rather unpleasant sensation is that of an apple being crushed under your boot. I had not noticed this before. Possibly because i do not go around stepping on apples on a regular basis.

I was more drunk last night than i have ever been before. After drinking three full glasses of wine with dinner, i love Ernest & Julio Gallo we continued with Tequila shots. I gave up on the lemon concept. Lemons taste worse than tequila. i fell asleep at 2am and woke up at 4:15 to discover Steve had never returned from his “i’m just going out for a walk to smoke a cigarette.” I was pissed.

I am reading a book entitled “Mozart’s Letters, Mozart’s Life” on, you guessed it, Mozart, for an oral i need to prepare for next week. If i were not reading it with a particular goal in mind, it would be quite enjoyable. Mozart was quite a playful guy and his language games are amusing. They put all the blogs i have ever read to shame, but i doubt there are very many people on the planet that should be compared to Mozart. Nonetheless, i recommend the book to anyone who gets a chance to read it.

Cold Case is not on this evening because of a football game in overtime. I sympathize with Lisa over baseball and her WB shows a little more now. Sorry i haven’t really had anything interesting to share today. I have much homework still to do before going to bed, but perhaps i will be able to work on the CSS stylesheet for the website a little still.

To quote a friend recently “the revolution is upon us.”

I am going to force myself out of this live-journalling rut and actually begin a blog. something that documents more than just my boring ass everyday activities for the world to see. i do occasionally have something of substance to say, but inevitably i being the whole cataloguing of my day routine and end up posting only that. this revolution has been inspired by reading the blogs@concordia list and realizing i would actually be ashamed if my blog was on that list. i will attempt to post at least one remotely intelligent thought at the beginning of each post. this will probably end in the whole enterprise being transferred to my website. i hope so.

BEGINNING AGAIN

This evening Lisa and I went to the Second Year Theatre Students of Concordia production of Henry IV Part I. My exposure to this play previously had been rather limited and consisted of having delivered a monologue in Theatre class in CEGEP from Part II. Note these are not the same play. It was very well done. I was surprised by this because usually i am pretty disappointed with the Concordia Productions i have been to. What was good about it? The choice of “punk” style costumes was innovative. it was not in your face and thus you forgot about the costumes and focused on the actors. this was nice and probably wouldn’t have occurred had they been in period appropriate attire. Hotspur was very very good. She (there was some gender-switching) spoke very clearly, which is essential in Shakespeare i think, had a lot of stamina, knew her lines cold, and despite being a skinny girl was believable as a manly rebel warrior. There were no actors that deserve to be mentioned for being poor. they were essentially what i expected from a theatre class. knew their lines, had researched their characters, etc., but their stage presence was not noteworthy. i hope this will progress for most of them with time. I was very pleased.

Worthy of mention, however, is that for some reason whenever a male actor is cast in a female role, this is always done comically. however, females playing males is not drawn to our attention. i think this is stupid. not only because it is unfair on a gender-rights issue, but also because it adds nothing to the play to have a drag queen on stage. it breaks the suspension of disbelief almost instantaneously.

On a personal level of what happened yesterday (well today because i have not gone to bed yet): i worked, met Lisa’s cousin Cara, ran into Shaun on Ste-Catherine, ate with Lisa and Cara at an Italian restaurant and took the Concordia Shuttle Bus for the first time. Exciting.

yesterday i went shopping. i had not bought myself an item of real clothing (i.e. that other people actually see) since September of last year. It was not a good idea to suddenly go shopping by myself, without even my Mum to remind me that i do not have a lot of money. It didn’t turn out too badly. I bought Christmas presents for my Dad and Steve, Robert’s birthday present - the Ghostbusters box set, listerine and nair (these were essentials), and i went to Smart Set where for buying 4 shirts a 2/$25 i got three pairs of socks free. Okay, i know this doesn’t actually sound that extravagant right now, but it was. i spent more than i make in 3 weeks in one day.

i tried to do some homework yesterday morning, but i was doing too good of a job on a study guide and didn’t get anywhere. Veronica called in the afternoon. Our conversation inspired her to start a blog. i am not that pro-blog or anything, but when i have nothing to do in class, i like reading what my friends are up to. i did watch my history of china lecture and did the reading, i also translated two pages of latin. this was not the amount of homework i was supposed to get done, but Steve is working tomorrow, so i will be able to compensate. Steve and I watched the O.C., Camera Cafe (which is so cool!) and I watched CSI last night. He slept on my lap. It was cute.

Lorne - ha. your comment that you wonder all day what i am doing was not something i could decipher. were you just giving me a sarcastic jab for being a blogger, or was this in reference to our getting married in the future. I have a new requirement for husbands by the way - they must put new toilet paper rolls on the rack rather than just leaving the old tube there. my brother keeps doing this in MY bathroom and i am willing to kill him.

My brother gave me a hug yesterday. Boy germs. I guess he’s finally figured out i am ignoring him. I did not ignore him yesterday though because it was his birthday. i thought i would remind him that i CAN be nice if i want to. i still have his chair in my room though…ha.