Sybilla Oritur

One night last week i couldn’t sleep. As i lay there, i decided to make a concerted effort to “relive” as much of my life as i could by reviewing the memories both of key events and people whom at one time or another were important to me. My friends and family have often seemed astonished at my ability to recall minute details about people and places that for them appear to be lost in a hazy past - i do believe i have been called an elephant - and i attribute much of my strong grasp on my past experience on these concerted efforts on my part to relive and recount, if only to myself, the memories i have managed to store. Like language, i think memories are either used or lost and although ten years down the road i might actually have forgotten the event in question, i CAN remember retelling it to myself in a moment of downtime some three years later. But enough about those aspects of my personality that according to my therapist demonstrate how i became a historian.

A friend i had become much closer to in the past seven weeks left the city on Monday and i find myself missing the prospect of spending time in his company. Reflecting on why this is while walking to the grocery store today, i found myself making a list of the foods and activities i find myself associating with those dearest to me. Fondue, poutine, southern comfort with cranberry juice, driving down country roads aimlessly, flea markets, hot tubs and afternoon naps will always make me think of Steve. Crackers, cross-country skiing, Donkey Kong, sangria, the food network and Silverchair will always make me think of Veronica. Lisa is perogies, cucumber salad and doing dishes. Guitars and Belle Province breakfasts are Eric. Guacamole, sushi and Central Park are Zach. Ilya is conjured by any reference to 2005, fireworks and world travel to exotic locations. Mojitos, brie and drives to the train station are my infamous Auntie Lorraine. My Grammy is a pair of golden bird scissors, buttons, jewelery, pollywogs and gardening. The list continues… and i realize that there is very little overlap between individuals. I think this might account, in some way, for why i am always looking for completely novel things to try with new people - i am trying to establish new associations which won’t challenge my old ones. I enjoy living life this way: encountering mundane phenomenon that i intensely associate with those i treasure - even if these associations are artificially intensified by my neurotic need to remember.

Slurpees, cookies, cigarettes and Latin translations are now more meaningful stimuli in my everyday life. I am happy for this, even if the prospect of their now being memories rather than future experiences saddens me just a bit.